the thing is ...

The thing is I've stopped blogging here cause I'm blogging elsewhere. Sure, it's not paid. But it looks good.

Anyway, I've gone crazy. Today I brushed my teeth in the campus center bathroom. The smelly one. Never in my life did I picture myself as this person. It's just so hard to get up in the morning, and after stretch and coffee ...

Legitimately, though, I've started to go crazy. What with wanting to write my hip hop article (and facing the staunchest of critics!) and figuring out grad school and looking at the GRE (ack!) ... I'm just out of it. I love being stressed out and busy, but at the end of the day it's the same thing. I come home and read, and fall asleep. I feel like an infant. I just need someone to pet my head and rub my back and say "shhh ... go to sleep ... you'll grow up to be whatever you want someday."

The thing is, no one does this. No one does this because people expect us to be able to do it for ourselves. And after 21 years of telling myself "you're brilliant, you can do this, good things come to those who hustle, good things happen if you're a good person ..." It's god damned exhausting.

So, I believe I am going to go home for the weekend for rehabilitation. To have my dad cook for me and buy me a dress for Chris and Ellie's wedding. And to sit in bed and take a practice GRE. gah.